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so for those of you who like i never post anything.... [Friday
January 9th, 2009
heres a recap of the first semester of college:

-community showers=gross, but great water pressure
-new theatre, new people, same 'thats what she said' jokes
-running crew for my first college show
-i= burden to the man i love
-man i love= pain in the ass,jerk [but still in love with him :( ]
-awkward love triangle
-drunken love triangle fiasco
-boy from love triangle suddenly has a girlfriend out side of the triangle lol
-"i will not lose"
-"how big is your hypothetical penis?"
-the gas station down the street doesnt card
-lazy afternoons on the lawn
-wooo bowling
-depressed pet fish
-cable tv wire makes a great clothes line
-complicated love square game
-"im deleting you from my life"
-three days later "im really sorry, that was really stupid"
-busted my ass on the stairs while talking mto myself....
-yay finals! since i only had like two real finals..
-ok so im home....
-work. work. work.
-work at 5 am.
-vaccum cleaners!
-uninvited to new years eve party
-rockin new years eve party
-new haircut!!
-horse back riding = epic fail of the entire day
-long ass drive home

and now here we are. a new year. a new time in my life. i have decided that im living for me, and if you dont like the way im living you can go fuck yourself. once upon a time i had a backbone and i wasnt afraid of anything, and it seems like lately i only care what people think, and if they think im cool, and hott, and all sorts of BULLSHIT. im MAMA CASS for christs sake, and im taking back the control of MY life!!!
3 dreams a dream is a wish your heart makes

August 28th, 2008
[ mood | pathetic ]

i hate him!!!!

i hate the fact thats he right and im wrong!
i hate that he's so mean some times and so condescending to me!
i hate that he never means to be mean!
i hate crying and feeling pathetic!

i wish it was feburary and i could go back and fix things before that stupid penny messed with my life!!!

a dream is a wish your heart makes

April 27th, 2008
everything is falling to crap.

the person who "cared" about me the most isnt speaking to me, and i deserve it.

i picked a fight when i was starting to get what i wanted again, and all i wanted were answers and a bit of hope.

thats my problem though, i always push and push until things blow up in my face.

why cant i learn to be satisfied?

why cant i be happy?
1 dream a dream is a wish your heart makes

puzzle [Thursday
December 27th, 2007
why can't my life be a puzzle that has all the pieces? so that after some hard work and dedication it all fits together nicely. into a picture that is beautiful. something that im proud to call my own.

instead i feel like i have one of those incredibly complicated 3D messes. that has missing pieces and ruined bits.

im not even a little proud of it.

at least not right now.

October 26th, 2007
so my guinea pig died today. he was just a baby, but he got sick and we took him to the vet, and tried to help him. we gave him pedalite and tried mushed carrots but he was just to sick. he couldnt fight it.

goodbye ringo harvey.
8 dreams a dream is a wish your heart makes

October 18th, 2007
so a lot has happened since i last posted and so i decided to recount it for all of you.

homecoming. my last as a student. it was the coolest! the light show was the best thing besides the "e" i mean espcially for me, a light designer, i thought it seemed very appropriate. i love the hp guys they are now some of my closest friends and i wouldnt trade them for anything.

then i was voted Red carpet material for the senior favorites. and honestly wheni found out i was pissed. i was angry that i was voted an award that i didnt think i deserved. and i felt so self concious looking the way i did in front of all those people who barely know my name. but as i think more about it, im glad i was voted. im glad that i cant be as easily forgotten as i could have been. im glad that my hard work towards the theatre was recognized even if it was through promotion of other people. im warming up to the idea.

next is something that i havent done in a VERY long time, act. its weird but im excited. i have good feelings about the student directed, this time it really will be just us students because deason will be gone. but i think its a good thing. im glad that im in shelbys play, and im glad that im working with eddie. itll be a chance to gain a new friendship and strengthen another. itll give me a perspective that i havent seen in a couple of years.

so being as random as that was, the point is im excited. i may be tired, and bitchy sometimes but im excited. im glad to being doing new things and glad that i wont be forgotten as easily as others. its a new page!
a dream is a wish your heart makes

fool me thrice? [Monday
September 10th, 2007
how do you miss someone?

how do you miss them when they're not gone?

or worst of all how do you miss them when you're the only one they've left?

is it important to the healing process to miss them?

my problem is, you left, and you haven't realized that you did. see i don't want to miss you, i don't want you gone. and i dont want to grieve. i don't want to have to heal because if i had it my way there wouldn't be a wound.

fool me once, shame on you.
fool me twice, shame on me.
what happens at fool me thrice?

i guess the moral to my rambling is you are an idiot and i am a fool.

August 17th, 2007
ask me a question about each of the following:


no matter how rude or confidential. then post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked.
6 dreams a dream is a wish your heart makes

good-bye [Thursday
July 26th, 2007
my brother is moving to dallas.
a dream is a wish your heart makes

how do i say goodbye? [Tuesday
June 26th, 2007
[ mood | void of feeling ]

i dont get it. i dont get why you hate me, i only tried to save our friendship. thats all. i was there when you were hurt. i tried to help but you kept pushing me away. and i dont no why. im wasnt asking you to love me, i just wanted a friend in you. i mean it makes sense to me but if im being unreasonable and selfish please let me no, explain it to me and id be more than happy to leave it as is. i guess what im trying to say is that im tired of looking to you for a friend. ill never be able to turn you away if you need me, and youll always have a dear place in my heart but i think its time that i left you alone for good. that i stopped trying to help and let you live your life the way you want, without me.

i cant believe that i just told you that because honestly ive been crying about it for awhile. imagine me crying, especially about you. please dont call me or message me saying im wrong, because im not and you no it. and dont beat yourself up over this it was a long time coming. im sorry this had to be done publicly but it had to be done. ill always love you.

June 18th, 2007
You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style...
But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him.
Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often.
No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!
a dream is a wish your heart makes

April 28th, 2007
[ mood | mortified ]

so last night was offically the most embarassing night of my life.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

oh if only i remember those languages! [Friday
March 9th, 2007
You Were a Parrot

You are a master of language, and you use your wit to mock and tease others.
But you are also wise, and you often think carefully before you speak.
a dream is a wish your heart makes

if only he'd come resuce me [Thursday
March 8th, 2007
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine
a dream is a wish your heart makes

the past [Tuesday
February 20th, 2007
[ mood | optimistic ]

well right now im in fourth period on thsi werid taks day and i was flipping through lj cause i didnt have anything better to do, and i realized how much of my life is documented on this thing. its a little infrequent and random, but its all here and i went back to my first entry and it sounds so *little* and unsure of anything, and its weird. thought id share my revelations with you all

with all the hope that springs eternal,

a dream is a wish your heart makes

December 14th, 2006
damn finals and not remembering how to mulitply matrices!!!! boo on u mr.fierro! BOO!
1 dream a dream is a wish your heart makes

My Xmas Stocking [Monday
December 11th, 2006
my xmas stockingCollapse )
a dream is a wish your heart makes

October 25th, 2006
you wont be missing much if you dont read this

today walking hom ei felt so dead. so tired of trying and caring, an dthe scary thing i gave in to it, the light was red so i wasnt supposed to cross otherwise id be smushed but i was feeling so hopeless and dead, that i did. I walked right in the middle of yarbrough with cars coming at me, and im still here to write to you about it. and now taht i look back i feel so stupid! i mean im always saying theres always hope, theres always a prayer, and yet i did THAT!! i mean one minute im up, putting love notes in everyones locker telling them to have a nice day, and the next im standing in the middle of a busy street. waking up for the first time and feeling ALONE. like theres no one to stop me from walking in the middle no one to call at night and laugh with over the dumbest things. i guess im just lonely. o well thanks for letting me vent.
a dream is a wish your heart makes

y? [Friday
September 15th, 2006
i hate it when thi happens i tell myself that itll all b okay in the end, itll work itself out. i say he wouldnt do this to me again?!?!?! would he? and he did. i find myself at a crossroads, where i dont know if i continue to hold on? or just let go? i mean what do u do in this type of situation, u cant let them go on hurting u and destroying eveything they stood for, its agianst what i as a friend stand for right? but im afraid for him and for me, cuz i love him but i cant do this anymore its gone on for far too long. i cant do it anymore and thats what scares me i was so sure taht i could hold on for forever and that he'd b okay and hed stop being angry and stop being so hurt but i was wrong.

loook sry i posted this for the world to see im just so tired of doing this by myself and although u cant help me phyiscally id appericate it if ud say a prayer or two.
2 dreams a dream is a wish your heart makes

emo post [Thursday
August 31st, 2006
well i have decided my mom was right. i make myself miserable and it does nothing to affect them. sure theyre uncomfortable for a little bit but like i keep reminding them ill be gone in 2 yrs leaving them the hell alone and ill be the one suffers. the anger and hate that i keep bottled up only hurts me, it makes me paranoid which ruins my relationship bcuz im afraid that ill end up like my parents, high school sweet-hearts then torn apart bcuz of mass amounts of stupidity and thats how it goes. i get mad at them and then myself so i go cry to my mom abt how they infuriate me and she say the same thing everytime "cassandra renee if only ud let all this anger go then u could all let it all go and everything will be fine." and then i cry myself to sleep and in the morning i wake renewed and saying that im over with them done i dont care and time goes by and it happens all over again. i cant stand how they control my life indirectly and monopolize my thoughts and my heart. so if anyone has been hurt by me im sorry, i just cant get over them im trying and i swear to you that im sorry. i hope im forgiven.
4 dreams a dream is a wish your heart makes

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